I'm NOT old!!

*Okay, hari ni post lepas geram (label baru - bi*ching)..so bahasa yang digunakan akan bercampur2 macam rojak, and lagi satu, i warning awal2, kalau sesape allergic kata2 kesat, please stop reading!

I am 27 years old. I will be 28 this end of July, so until then, I am ONLY 27. True, there are times I feel I am old, but I don't like it when people REALLY think I am old. Selama ni, kalau ada orang yang sama umur, muda setahun dua ke, or people who are older than me (ni kes tak sedar diri) calling me "KAK", i would feel offended. Perhal kan? Do I look F***ing old to you? I thought, hey, maybe because I'm fat (back then I was 63kg, my ideal weight is 53kg). So, okayla, telan jela. After losing a significant amount of weight (now i'm 55kg and i hope to lose more!) I thought, well, maybe I will look young..no, screw the last sentence, I am still young... twenties wat..betul tak? So, I am really annoyed if people call me kak...................so imagine if someone MY age, calling me ..MAKCIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's this kelas agama that I join here. It's more or less a ceramah and after that, there's makan-makan. So, most of the people who join the class agama are in their 40s to 50s, with kids as old as twenties la. The youngest of them besides us are in their late 30s. So, whateverla. The 40s and 50s, we call them abang or kakak.. yerla, sape suka orang panggil dia makcik kan, walaupun umur dia sama dgn my mom. Ok, so anyway, if u can notice, we kind of find it hard to join since everyone likes to hang out with people their own age, like the 40s-50s lepak and borak together, while their kids lepak together. Kalau ikut braket umur, I layak masuk the twenties group since i'm still in my twenties kan... but tak dapat la, sbb i ni mak orang anak 2. ok fine. Kalau lepak dgn geng 40-50s pulak, diorg ingat i ni pun tua gak, umur2 diorg agaknya.. (i have my reasons, it happened to me once, that guy thought our age lebih kurang, walhal jauh 20 lebih thn...) so anyway, the kids (teenagers to 20 something) call me kak la and frankly i'm quite happy about it :). Eversince my mom came, I didn't go to the classes, and today was my first 'show' after a string of 'no shows'. So, I noticed that they invited these 'students' la in their mid-late twenties..."free hair", sexy and single, wearing jeans and all. Okla whatever, who am I to judge. First when they arrive, they salam my hand, cium tangan lagi. macam sabar jela..ingat aku tua laa tuh. Dah rasa fed up and terbakar sket. The only part I like about the gathering was the ceramah by Maulana Yusuf. After that, it was makan time, and I ended up eating alone, sebab memula I amik mknn, duduk dgn geng twenty something, skali diorg cuci tgn, i tgh mkn (suap Princess), diorg tukar port kat tmpt lain, probably tak nak lepak dgn minah 'tua' nih. Geng 40s - 50s pulak lepak sesama diorg la. So, fine. makan la dgn Princess, while Hafiz pun lepak dgn Hero je. Yang family 30s tu diorg lepak jap je and dah balik...they were our only 'hope' la utk nak berkwn, but they left early. So anyway, bosan yg amat, rasa mcm nak balik, but since it's CikJu's invite, so kitorg hang out la lagi. Skali, ada orang tepuk my shoulder, i turned around and looked at her. It was one of those student (i met her before masa raya kat rumah cikju and I know for a fact that she is the SAME age as me) and she said "Makcik, makci,k kitorg balik dulu ye" samibil hulur tangan nak salam...... That was it. I yang jarang gile nak fire orang balik, terus berkata (still dgn suara yg lembut) "Ey, I tak tua laaaaaaaaaaaaa..." dengan muka yang tahan marah. And she said, oh sorry...Kak. Balik dulu ye kak.......!

I guess it was maybe a mix of hormone imbalance plus some anger mismanagement, but that was all it took to make me feel very angry and upset. I quickly got up, went to Hafiz and said, "jom balik" kat kereta, cite la...and biasala, minah emo, kalau marah pun nangis2....ala, tears of anger... Oh, before that, duduk dgn anak Cikju, a 15 year old, and i said, apsal diorg tu salam my hand and call me makcik, why do they think i'm older? And she said, because you have two kids.. so you're considered old! Plus they are still studying, uni students.. degree. That got me thinking...

Being 27/28 and having two kids, does that make me old? Is it my fault that I graduated early? Is it my fault that I married early and have two kids... ? Is it my fault that I'm doing PhD while they are still doing degree? So does all that justify them calling me 'makcik' and thinking that I am in fact old? What? So I am married and have two kids...that doesn't make me old. Bengang.. bengang..........Ughhh..... I miss Malaysia. Kalau kat Malaysia, it's normal for Malaysians my age to already be married, have kids, have degrees, doing postgrad, etc. In my country, I'm normal. Having two kids at this age is normal. But here, most of the people aren't married yet, or still studying, etc.. living the so called 'care-free' life and like Hafiz said, kita susah nak ada kawan sebab mana ada orang umur kita 'migrate' ke sini...selalunya orang migrate bile dah tua lagi. Tuela kan... padan muka. I miss Malaysia. Here, I am forced to be old. Da*n it. To my friends who are migrating, please la datang cepat sikit.... kita buat geng kelas agama kita sendiri, so that i can feel at home.

I was so full of anger when I started writing this. Now i feel better. Biasa la kan, i pun join Singaporean group, bukan Malaysia (sbb join Cikju -my aunt punye group) so diorg ni kena belajar diploma dulu, and then degree, and so on, so probably that's why at my age, they are still studying or just graduated. Sigh.. I guess I should be thankful at this age, I think I have accomplished so much and not be bengang sebab orang kata i makcik......... ugh...dengar perkataan makcik dh sakit hati balik. ughh... MAKCIK oi. kalau kakak, takpe lagi... TERBAKAR tauuuu......................................................!

I wish I don't have to attend the kelas agama anymore, but my aunt is in there, so i sort of have to. :(....... I do like the ceramah though. But, anyway, being angry is not a good thing, and I find that when I look at my kids face... rasa tenang sket..hilang rasa kemarahan (and writing it here helps heaps!). I miss my friends.......yang kini berada di malaysia dan serata dunia. Even my kids pun macam lost sebab takde kwn gak. cian diorg. Nasib ada Mynn and family... and Salina too..takde la rasa lonely, and they don't call me Makcik ;p. (you guys better not ok!!!). And to my fren M, tolongla cepat sket proses migrate tu and datang sini. And Niza, cepatla habis belajar, and dtg dgn Aidil gak. Sape lagi? Sape sape la. I am in dire need of friendship.....nice, warm, friends.................................................................................................sob..sob

Okla, my time slot to be angry is up. Kena jadi mak mithali and layan budak and hubby.... Ingat nak gi beach today, tengok laut, carik ketenangan........ Have you guys ever notice, when we look at greenery and beautiful views of the beaches and all, we get a sense of peace and serenity that we don't usually get when we see buildings or other man-made stuff. Itu sebab Allah yang jadikan semua tu, so in a way, Allah yang berikan kita ketenangan tu, melalui segala keindahan dan kecantikan alam yang Allah ciptakan untuk kita. I don't know about you, but I truly believe in it. Even the beautiful blue sky of Perth with those cotton candy clouds can make me feel better, or the star studded sky at night time, they really do look like diamonds in the sky :).

Okla, again, sorry kalau this post offended anyone..... sebab i amok ke ape ke, hehe. macam tah.. bengang la. MAKCIK..... Think about it, if someone your age, or maybe a few years younger, called you MAKCIK............. will you be offended..?

Take care