My new year's resolution for 2009

Here's the list and hopefully by the end of 2009 I can tick all of it :)

1. To never miss a single prayer, ever -

how: to pray on time - masuk waktu je terus solat, I find that most people I know here in Perth do that too. Jangan ingat orang islam kat Perth semua tak sembahyang yer. I always lengah2kan (dengan selamba and tak tau malu) and I want to change. Bila dah lengah, kekadang tertidur and terlepas waktu. But the prayer that I have missed lately is my Subuh. Kat sini Subuh amat lah awal (alasan setan) so asyik terlepas je.

what happens if I miss?: I will have to put aud 1 to the 'tabung kebajikan' and give it to the poor by the end of next year. I'll let you know how much money I collected by the end of next year. Hopefully zero, but I'm only human...

2. To write at least two books -
explanation: this year I wrote 3 books. One is a lab manual for UiTM. The other one is the english novel titled 'Dahlia' which I won third place in and got rm3000 richer (I wrote it in 7 days and when I was pregnant with my baby princess). The latest one is the one I wrote in 7 - 10 days too (around end of August, early Sept when baby princess was 4 months. The original title was Puteri Nutrisi but the editor changed it. It will be published very, very soon and hopefully it will sell lah. I'm scared and hope that it will do okay. But if it doesn't then maybe I'll write something better, kan? No drama right?..it's a children's book/young teenager book and it's in Malay, so I'll let you know when it's out.

how: Currently I am reading books, researching and taking some online classes on how to be a better writer, write better books, etc. Hopefully, when I am ready, I will write and write and write. I love to write, it's like a passion I have since I was so young. I remembered my uncle reading my essays and wanting to keep it because he loved it. He was so supportive of my writing up till today (he's a writer too himself although he is a specialist by profession and a quite famous one too, might not want to mention it here, though. So, his books sell like hot cakes.. hehe. So, since I wrote 3 books this year, I want to write at least 2 books. I think that's fair enough since I'll be doing my Phd in 2009, and with two kids and being the housewife and with no one to help me with the chores except me (eh, hafiz pun ada tolong gak, sorry sayang) so I guess 2 is good enough. I ambitiously want my book to be published in US, UK or paling2 pun Australia market one day. But that's not gonna be in my resolution though. Hehe...

what happens if I don't?: I will have to write 4 books in 2010! hahaha

3. To cook delicious food everyday and be good at it -
how: Wow, this is by far the hardest, hehehe. Macamana nak ukur ketereran memasak? Ntah, I dunno. I probably want to take pics kot and put it up on my facebook album (this is more subtle) rather than my blog (segan la). I dunno yet where I wanna put it. But I'm giving myself one year from now... to be a good cook. I want to try and cook whatever, just follow the recipe or at times follow my cooking instinct and just go ahead and cook. InsyaAllah by the end of next year, if I'm really good at it already, I'll celebrate by inviting Perth friends for dinner ker, party ker (party sgtla eh Mynn?)

what happens if I'm still not good?: Well, there's always room for improvement right? At least I
know I'm heading somewhere... :)

4. To exercise at least twice a week-
explanation: this is not because I want to lose weight. I have given up on wanting to lose weight rapidly. I think I'll do it slowly and healthily and in time, I will be happy, slim and healthy, insyaAllah.

how: I have bought this exercise dvd so might want to make full use of it. oh, and I have an accomplice which is hafiz, so together we will do healthy stuff like jogging, etc. Or I can always go swimming at an indoor pool (hint..hint kat sape yer?) or maybe play wii fit/sport at ada org tuh punye rumah ;p... or maybe if I'm a little richer I might buy one for myself too.. hehe.... Basically to exercise la kan... and how to gauge that I am exercising? Simple.. by the end of next year, if I DO exercise, I'll be fit (slim pun lagi best la kan?) and healthy and takdela asyik dok cepat tired je all the time :)..

what happens if I don't do it - if i don't exercise twice a week, masuk aud1 lagi dlm tabung kebajikan.. hahah!

5. to go picnic/family quality time with the kids at least once every two week
6. to spend time with hero and princess every day for at least half an hour - an hour (especially during weekdays since they are going to childcare almost the whole day)
7. to keep in touch with friends through phone calls, emails, fb, blog, etc - Perth friends pulak, ala we're sure gonna be in touch so no problem about that la.

(miss mana2 yang di atas kena bayar aud1 kat tabung kebajikan, macam biasa la yer)

other resolutions yang berkaitan dgn hafiz are strictly private yer ;p

so that's my resolution, hehe. lucky number 7. have u done yours?

have a happy new year everyone... and selamat menyambut Maal Hijrah (sorry la terlagging, baru nak tulis skrg;p)

Take care

Better

Hi all,

I feel a whole lot better today, alhamdulillah. Probably some mood swing although i'm not period (for the past 8 months) and no, I'm not pregnant either (i'm on pills) so I guess the hormones are on a rage...hence I am extra sensitive than I'm normally am.

Thank you friends for giving me the support I need. I can definitely assure myself that I am sooo not alone. I am surrounded with beautiful, supportive friends who cares about me and I do about them too.... I had a very lengthy chat with Mynn yesterday (most days actually - kacau je kan Mynn ;p) and she is a good listener and adviced me a lot on stuff.. and after a good nite's rest, I felt a awhole lot better. Not to forget a short chat with Dora and Aishah too about some issues that I have sure helped me too. Also the messages, shout outs, comments, etc from all of my friends.. I feel touched. No.. I'm not alone. And I thank Allah for that, as I am blessed... :)

I haven't really done my new year's resolution because I know that I would usually not follow it, but this time, I wanna write it in my blog and stick to it. So, erm... I will make the list by tonite la kot. Hehe... Nak buat list tu pun bertangguh. But actually I don't really know what to write. I don't want to write something vague like - to be a better muslim, a better mom, wife, etc.. how do u gauge that? How do you know that by the end of next year you are a better muslim? Betul tak? So I wanna write something specific sket. You know? That's why it's a bit hard for me. Hmm... let me think and I'll get back to you later, aight?

This post is to let everyone know that I'm fine.. I really am. Thanks everyone. You are all good people and may Allah bless all of you.

Take care :)

I miss my mom

When I'm down,
when things don't go the way we plan,
when I feel like life's not worth living,
when I feel lonely,
when I am hurt,

The one and only person who will always be in my mind is my mom.

I wonder where she is? Is she fine? I haven't heard from her for such a long time...

I miss you mak... so very much.
You are the only person who knows exactly how i feel right now.
I wish you were here.
I have so many things to tell you.
No one understands me the way you do.
No one can comfort me the way that you can.
With tears in my eyes, I pray to Allah
That you will arrive home safely
So that I can get the opportunity to meet you again...

I'm counting every single day to the 4th..
so that I can call mak that night at singapore..
and tell her how much i love her and miss her
so, so, so............very much

Ya Allah, please let my dream to see mak again come true.

Amin

Alone

Have u ever felt this feeling, when u feel like you are so alone, but ironically you are surrounded by so many people?

and it sucks that u can't write it in ur blog cause some people might read it and maybe make a big deal out of it, walhal this is afterall your blog..kan?

"Tuhan saja yang tahu.. perasaanku...."

hehe.. currently that is the song that is playing over and over again in my head... but since tak tau lyric, etc maka ayat tu je la yg dok pusing kat kepala....

For the record, No, I'm not fat, I do not think that I am, I think I'm normal and I don't like being anything else besides me and I like the way my body am (except my belly but it's because I had c-section twice) and I'm working on it, ok? So, please stop telling me I'm fat and stop asking me to eat some stupid supplements or telling me I need to lose weight, etc. I think I'm pretty and hell I don't give a damn what u think of me! (sadly this last part is a lie).....

Remember the bit where i said in my earlier post where i don't give a damn what other people say? Sigh~ I'm such a lousy liar. Lately I do esp if the things people say are really hurtful...

What would my reaction be when people treat me like that?

Look at him/her/them -
Senyum
Telan je segala kata2 pedas, pahit...
simpan
biar dia makan dalam
lama2 bila dah byk meletop..innalillah..................................

sob..sob...i sound so pathetic...

Ya Allah please let me be a stronger and more patient human being...

Amin

~lonely, i'm so lonely... i have nobody... to call my own~

24 words to describe my emotion

I can't write much since my in laws are here.. but here's to sum up how i've been lately since the last time i wrote....

Acceptance
Tolerance
Giving up
Perseverance
Alone
Lonely
Happy
Shopaholic
Sensitive
Sad
Homesick
Overwhelmed
Angry
Tired
Moody
Loving
Caring
Touched
Hurt
in love
out of love
jealous
sick

but most importantly...
PATIENCE is key

It's just an emotional roller coaster right now. Only those who have been in my shoes would understand this current emotional state. can't write much.. if u know what i mean, but i'm looking forward to the 4th Jan - my mom will be back from Haj and hopefully if she's well, will get to see her whenever she is up for it to come and visit me here!

Especially for Kay Faizal

Dear Kay Faizal:

"...I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I threw up, at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on Manchester United's goalkeeper. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand the middle east. I'm returning your love letters to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked Oprah Winfrey imitations. Go and drown yourself ..."

-Sheri-

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This has got to be the craziest tag ever. Thank you for tagging me Cik Kembang. First time pulak ye kena tag dengan Cik Kembang aka Sufee so when it comes to Sufee, this is expected.. ;p
Sorry Faizal, awak pulak yang terkena, sebab the rule is you have to put the name of the last person commenting your entry/blog.. maka awaklah yang terbertuah itu.. hehe

Rules die begini;

Answer the questions below;

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - HighHouse - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - MongolicIdol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I've felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Hate your guts
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain


Based on the chosen answers, just fill in the blanks in this LETTER MEME :


Letter Meme:

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

"...I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .___12___..."

-Your name-


Then, tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged.


The LUCKY people are:

1. Faizal (since awak punya nama dah terpampang kat atas tu, hehe)
2. Atik - my CSI Malaysia buddy :)
3. Naf
4. Dora
5. Soraya

Enjoy the crazy tag and happy holidays to everyone!!

Take care

Christmas with my in laws

Salam everyone..it has been awhile eh since i last update.. busy bebeh.. why? u asked.it's because:

This Christmas, my in laws will be coming..

Please, please don't get me wrong.. I'm not here to complain. It's just that I am a perfectionist. I aim to be like Bree... to know how to cook deliciously, to have guests feel absolutely comfortable in my house, to be very capable and extremely domesticated... to be perfect.. the perfect daughter in law (here it comes, hehe).

But, I'm soooooo not yet the above... and I don't think I'll ever be lah. I do look forward to meeting them (my papa in law, mama in law, mak tok (hafiz's grandma), adik (my sis in law) and una (my cuz in law)... It has been ages since we last met (well, just two months actually) and Hafiz is very excited and happy to meet his family, and I bet the kids could use some extra pampering and affection rather than just from plain, boring mommy (although i do hope they don't pamper them too much until they get super spoil!). But, right now, I'm worried. There are just too many people.. I currently have 8 plates.. and I don't know how to cook for that many people for two weeks... morning, lunch and dinner. Frankly speaking, I'm scared. I've never been a hostess before, this is my first ever house and they are our first guests. I don't really know what to do... We've already made sure the house is presentable (i'm extra worried on that part since knowing my mama is very particular on cleanliness). Hafiz told me to relax, Mama will do all the cooking, but what kind of hostess am I if I can't cook for them... Sigh~

It's not that I don't like them to come... I'm just not ready. I'm scared I might let them down. The last few days I have been so stressed out that now we have run out of paracetamol (i ate too much of it i guess). Will I be a good hostess? But most importantly will I be a good daughter in law? I have my reasons for being like this but I think it's highly inappropriate to share it here.. so, guys, wish me luck this christmas and new years day.. I hope I have fun and I'll try my best to accomodate them and make them feel like home. Oh, and I hope they wont critisize my cooking, or else I'll write it in my blog while crying ;p... mengada kan i nih. takutlah. those who are married and have MIL would know how i feel right now. the rest of u, especially those who are not married yet, and they think they can get along well with the in laws, please lah, u have no idea what it's like ok? u'll really get to know ur in laws once u are married.... The first year is the worst.. but things will get better as the years go by and the amount of grandchildren u can produce rises ;p. Hehe.... But, alhamdulillah, things are getting better so that's why i really don't want to screw things up..u know????

Pray hard, Sheri. Pray hard that everything will be fine...

Please pray for me yeah friends? Because I think I really need it.

Tag Taiping by Dora

This are the questions i took from Dora's website...
Lebih kurang macam tag la.. for us budak2 tepen..;p
++Beware, it might get pretty long..hahaha

1. What have you accomplished after 10 years ?
wow...! i don't know where to start. let's start off with what i think is best accomplishment so far yer:
a. met my soulmate, got married, have two precious little kiddies, Abang Hero and Adik Princess
b. got two degrees -masters and BSc..
c. worked in jobs that i have always, always wanted.. food product development exec, lecturer
d. i'm gonna enrol my PhD next month!!!
e. i can cook to survive..hehe

2. Are you the same old Sheri ?
Nope, I like to think i changed to a better person. I used to be hot-tempered, hypersensitive, self-absorbed, ungrateful, untidy, undomesticated, unfriendly, (so many negativities here, sila isikan what u think i was back then)

3. Did you change and is the change for the better ?
Yeah, i've changed and it's for the better. I try to become a better muslim and the rest will come naturally..

4. Did you become what you hoped you would be after school ?
During school, MRSM kan.. it was like, u either become a doctor (takut darah) or become an engineer (i hate physics).. so, in matriculation, we discussed among us classmates and sicne i dont know what to fill in the form..and since i like Food (i like to eat, jap..jap, i LOVE to eat) and i like science..so it was a no-brainer : Food Science.. hehehe

5. Are you better off this way ?
Everyone is better off this way. This is how Allah intended it to be. Takdir penentu segala

6. Do you still keep in touch with our bestfriends in school ?
Are u kidding me? Most definitely. either chatting at ym (slalu ke?), facebook, friendster (this one's lame lah), emails, etc... Eventhough we're thousand miles apart..

7. Did you ever wish that you were still in high school ?
Nope, I was super skinny and ugly back then and airplanes would land on my chest ;p

I had a great time studying in Tepen and I'm glad I studied there or else where else would I meet my soul mate kan? And I can list down a whole bunch of people who met their soulmates there as well (DoraIkhwan, NizaAidil, NisaAmet, NinaIjan, FazShafiq, saper lagi ye? ramai la... Best kan Tepen, kawan2???

How today is very similar to 12 years ago

I remembered when I was young, mak would pack lunch (more like recess food) for all three of us. She would make sandwiches and at times we would throw them away without her knowing. It's not that it wasn't nice or anything but looking at other people eating canteen food while I eat sandwiches everyday kind of feels boring. And the reason why we threw away without mak knowing is because there was this one time, Chik/Along (can't remember) kantoi didn't eat their sandwiches and mak scolded him. Yang lain yang tak kena marah jadikan peristiwa itu sebagai pengajaran = don't ever leave the sandwich inside the container when u get home... :)

So, everyday, we would throw those sandwiches at numerous places (being small kids, right?). i was the smartest (was?? i like to think that i still am, hehe) and always managed to clear up the evidence.. i would go home and go to the balcony behind our house and gave the sandwiches to a bunch of pigeons chilling there.. it's as if they were waiting for me. Sometimes when I forgot to do that, and mak starts to check the bag for uneaten sandwiches (of course chik punya dululah), i would throw it in front of our house. So did Along... Chik (being the youngest and really2 small at that time) threw the sandwiches behind the carom board (dekat balcony depan) so whenever mak cleaned up the area (masa nak pindah ke rumah baru), and found the sandwiches, she would ask 'who threw the sandwiches?' and chik (yela, naive) would say he threw it... me and along would keep quiet as though we ate ours every single day.

Later, as we grew bigger, mak started to gave us better packed lunch ;p.. yela, dah besar and it's not just for recess.. don't get me wrong, my mom is the best cook in the whole wide world (and i love and miss her so much) but the peanut butter/jam sandwiches is kinda boring if you eat it everyday.. so anyways, when we were bigger..one day we confessed to mak that last time, when we were younger and was staying in kg baru, we threw a lot of those paked sandwiches and didn't even eat it. Mak said 'bertuah punya budak-budak. Why didn't you tell me that you didn't want them. I would not have made them for you.. Susah - susah mak bangun awal buatkan......'. I guess knowing the truth might have hurt her a bit, although we couldn't quite understand yet. And then it hit me... True, if we didn't want it we would have just asked instead of throwing good food away. Ya Allah, we were so small and dumb, please forgive us for our sins....

As you all know, today, as many other working days, I packed lunch for Hafiz. I would wake up early (no matter how tired i was and no matter how little sleep i get due to my princess's numerous waking up at night activity) just to make nice food for him. Sometimes it was macaroni, fried rice, and on lazy days it would be just sandwiches (but tuna filled, smoked lamb filled, etc). Yesterday I made toast sandwiches with smoked lamb and cheese filling. I thought they look delicious.. but today, I found them inside the trash as I was about to prepare packed lunch. I felt devastated. He didn't like it, he threw it away behind my back (but he's not smart enough like me, to give it to pigeons or throw it at somewhere else where i can't see it -kira macam chik la). And then it finally hit me, this is how mak must have felt when she found out we threw away the sandwiches. You know, it's really not about the sandwiches... but it's the amount of 'LOVE' that was put inside when the packed lunch was made... for the first time in my life, something so small as throwing the sandwiches (which i happen to do that all the time) hurt me.... i felt like crying because:
a. a lot of effort was used to make this sandwich..
b. rezeki
c. he probably doesn't like my cooking and i'm a bad cook.
I confronted him (he said he didn't want me to know) and asked him why he threw them, he said 'they were too hard' -probably i put them in the oven a bit too long since princess was already awake yesterday when i prepared him the meal. There was the other time, i made fried rice and i saw him not finishing it and throwing them away, when i asked, he said that i gave him too much of them and he was simply just too full. So, i thought maybe i did and it wasn't a big deal..kot.

So, here's a confession: After so many days here, I always 'thought' that I was getting better at cooking, but today, I guess he proved me wrong. I am not a good cook, in fact, I am a bad cook and no matter how I try to make myself think otherwise, today, he proved me wrong. I feel so sad right now. After all this time, the effort that i took waking up early to make food, when i can just sleep and let him be is all wasted. He said to me.. 'today just give me something simple like biscuits, fruits, etc'. ... Sedih tak? Tak sedap sangat ke i masak sampai rela mkn buah and biskut for lunch? Sedih. seriously sedih. Right now I wish I was someone else, like Mynn for instance, who can cook superb food for the family. Where every bite is devilishly delicious and can even give to other people without having to think that people might not like it because they know people will like it. I always like to one day be like Bree of desperate housewives but i guess I am Susan who can't cook anything except mac and cheese (me-baked pasta), Sigh.. I can't cook anything at all......

Dear mak, I finally know how u feel today, finding your loved ones throwing food that you specially prepared for them in the wee hours of the day, with the secret ingredient of LOVE. Have I known that those sandwiches had this secret ingredient, i would eat them all up and never ever throw them away, because now i know how it feels to see those LOVE sandwiches being thrown away, and i admit it is really heartbreaking. I'm sorry I'm not a good cook, I'm not like you and I will never be as capable as you (you are a superwoman who never gets sick or even tired). I always get so tired easily around here and the work is just never -ending. It's like a 24 hours job being a fulltime housewife and mom and I don't think I'm cut out for this, unlike you. I miss you mak and I haven't heard from you for so long since you went to Haj so I miss and love you so much. I'm so sorry if I have took you forgranted for all this years...Being a housewife and taking care of kids on your own is the hardest, most noble job in the whole wide world and i only realise that now. I'm sorry I am such a failure... but I'll try to get a PhD to make up for my undomesticatedness (is there even such a word??).. I love you mak, and I hope you will arrive safely home and will be able to read this entry...:)

p/s-sorry ppl, this entry is definitely under the luahan hati category. there are days when i get very positive, but today is certainly not it. (I feel a whole lot better writing my feelings down here).

Take care

Welcome Summer!!

Yes, yes, it has been two weeks since summer is here but somehow the weather was still cool and nice. We thought that we would be so lucky to experience cool summer here in Perth, but I guess we are sooooooooo wrong because Mr Sun decided to show up and so now it's seriously hot here!! The best part is we do not have air-conditioner in our house (we didn't think that we would be needing it, since the weather before was just so, so lovely) but now I can't wait till Thursday to buy the portable air-cond. Imagine this, prior to yesterday, we don't even need to sleep with a fan, we just open the windows and we get 'air-cond' Allah. Best :).. but i guess all good things must come to an end. Malaysia is hot, but it's humid, not dry like here, so when it's really hot, you feel as if your skin is burning/peeling off/etc...ok, ok, so I exxagerated a bit but it is really hot... I wonder how Australians like to 'lepak' on the beach during this time of the year... with bikinis and all. For me, the skin who is exposed to the sunlight kinda hurt a bit... isk..isk..isk... They say it can get up to 40 degrees, so good luck with that.. without air-cond at home, kesian kat the kids, the house macam bahang tau and we only lepak in the bedroom, lying down, feeling lethargic... macam dehydrated macamtuh... nak makan pun tak larat..hehe.. i want air-cond...uwaaaaaa... imagine the kids lepak at home, sitting down, and sweating like crazy.. it is, i repeat, really, really hot. I called hafiz and said 'sayang, we really need to buy air-condlah. it's really hot. macamnila agaknya ye neraka, only million times hotter... panas macamni pun i can't take it...' ...Pening tau panas mcmnih. You know what, i should stop complaining...bersyukur jela.. probably kat tmpt lain dlm dunia ni lagi panas, kan? :)

Pening la people. I also seem to have some problems with my child care... for my Hero, my princess is ok... So that contributes to my headache as well, so I guess i should go. Hafiz pun nak blk, probably cook something really simple - sambal goreng tempeh.. stir fry vege and some chicken soup, etc. too tired to cook anything else ;p..

Panas..panas..panas...pening..pening..pening ;p (jangan kutuk i ngengada ye, u dtg sini baru u tau)

Take care

My Hero and catalogues

Here in Perth, the shops around my area will usually give us so many brochures and catalogues (yes, I know, in Malaysia we have those too, but mostly are flyers and if there are catalogues, trust me, it's not as many as the catalogues and brochures found here in Perth. Everyday, our mailbox is full of these stuff.. I think these things are junk (yelah, so many really cheap and discounted price stuffs, the problem is ongkosnya n'gak ada) but I don't know why Hafiz likes to keep 'em.

So just now, I was glancing through the pile of catalogues that Hafiz hasn't seen yet. My daughter ' the paper shredder' shreds everthing in sight (mostly the unwanted brochures) and thus creates such a huge mess in the living area.. oh well, let the mess be. I'm just too tired to clean it all up. Hero's mess can keep me up all night.. sometimes i just leave them to be cleaned up the next day. Although just now, Mynn came to give me some kuih-muih she made (coconut candies and fruit cakes), yes, I know, she's soooo rajin and nice, kan? (By the way, thanx Mynn) so seganlah jugak considering the fact that my house was in such a mess, but I guess she understand kot.

Oh, where was I, glancing the brochures right? Out of a sudden, my Hero came to me and ask me:

Hero: Mommy, mana baju ni? (pointing at a woman of one particular catalogue)
Mommy: (glanced down to look at the catalogue) laugh~ Baju takde sayang...
Hero: (opening the rest of the catalogue and starts to point at all of the pics of woman one at a time) Mana baju nih? Mana seluar nih?? Apa nih mommy? (interrogating me like a police officer)
Mommy: Memang takde baju sayang...(trying hard not to laugh at him)

For those of you who are smart, you can already guess what catalogue that he showed me.
Yup, u've guessed it. A catalogue of women wearing undergarments from BrasNsuch. Boy, are they super sexy, glad he found it first, so that I can keep it away from Papa ;p...
But I just can't help but think, 'yup, at 2 years old, you're showing me and complaining to me of pictures of almost naked women, 20 years from now, I don't think you'll be complaining...'

Kids, they grow up so fast... I wanna spend as much time as possible with them, because when they are grown up, I won't expect them to spend as much time with me as they did back when they're still small. They'll have friends, go to unis, work and have their own family. So, I'm definitely glad I'm taking care of them and boy, I sure enjoy every minute of it.. :)

Love you my mini Police Officer and my Paper Shredder

A sad day (tribute to a friend)

For the first time in my life, I do not know what to write. at all. blank. i don't know how to start. i dont know where to begin. i don't know how to put my feelings, this feeling that i have bottled up inside me, into words that i can just simply type up on the net. but what i know is, i feel so sad. i am sad that my friend, a friend who i know through to hafiz, but have started to get close to me, had just lost her baby today. (Innalillah)

As a mother, I cannot ever imagine, and wouldn't even dare to imagine what it feels like to lose a baby. But my dear friend, who Allah has given her two beautiful twins before, knows what it feels like now. Who would have thought that what appears to be a normal and enjoyable pregnancy, would have ended this way. My heart bleeds when I read the news on my facebook. I'm here so how the heck can I contact her. For 9 months she has been carrying that sweet baby of hers and now, when the final day came, and she was so excited to finally be able to see her baby, Allah took him away from her. Up till now, I did not know what actually happened. All I know is I feel extremely sad for her... but I prayed and prayed so very hard that she will be strong, stronger than she could ever be, to face this.. this....this....... oh, i'm so lost for words.. i can barely write.

Dear Sha, I pray to Allah that you will be strong to face this hard test, the hardest test that you will ever face for as long as you live. No matter what happens after this, I know you can go through it, because you have been given the ultimate test which is the lost of a child. May Allah give you the strength to overcome this grief and please take good care of yourself during this confinement period, ok dear? Your Darling Baby Abdullah Amin Fahmi will be waiting for you in front of the gates of heaven when Judgement Day arrives and he will make sure that his mommy will meet him again, and this time, you guys will never be parted, ever again. Be strong dear.... Take care

Inna lillah wa inna lillahi rojiun
Dari Allah kita datang, dan kepada Allah kita kembali

My first Aidil Adha abroad

Hello everyone,
I'm still sooo sleepy.. it's 7.55am here. After cooking packed lunch for Hafiz I soo want to sleep but this Princess of mine is already awake. So I thought I would blog a bit before going back to bed ( i don't usually do this, ok?) but i'm just sooo, sooo tired. Subuh here is before 6am (dlm 4 something azan) so that contributes to my sleepiness too (terukkan i ni)

Okay, so you asked me.. why are sooo, soo tired and sleepy? Well, malam raya haji, we joined a get together at CikJu's place and boy, there are like at least 10-20 families there... it was really packed. and this people are the people who attended our agama classes. the foods were superb, i felt like i was at home (Malaysia - or maybe Singapore since most of them are Singaporean). I think my family are the only ones who aren't Singaporeans but since I'm related to CikJu and my mom (who is her relative) is singaporean.. so, i guess i can be considered as one of them, hehe ;p

Oh, where was I? oh yeah, basically, malam raya's story, well.. that's about it. What about Hero and Princess? Oh them... ! Yeah, they were such angels, this two little kids of mine. Princess who seldom like to be put on the mattress was all quiet the whole night, probably since it was really noisy (due to so many people there) tak pun sebab malam raya, and she never experienced such noisiness before..... so i guess that's why she's so quiet. Hero, meanwhile, was playing in the room, with me and his sis, being such a good boy. When it was time to eat, he went to his Papa (while i ate with Princess in the room) and he obediently ate together with him.. My boy's all grown up now... Boleh dibawa ke majlis (tengok mood dia la tapi). I guess there were just too many people there, so probably he got really scared or something... hehe

The next day, hafiz had to go to work, (baru kerja mana boley cuti, banyak cantik) so we stayed at home and i babysit Mynn's two adorable girls, Alya and Zahra... This two cutie pies are such obedient and well-mannered little girls.. and it made my job easier.. My Hero had such a lovely and enjoyable time playing with them and so does Princess. Alya dukung aje si Princess, hehe. She really loves kids and she is such a very good big sister, playing with Hero (siap pandai beralah lagi). So, Mynn... how about another one ;p?? Ala, confirm cute punya..look at your kids..! Hehe... So, after Mynn took the kids home (my Princess mencebik2 muka tak suka diorg balik) I gave Hero something to eat (he was just too excited to eat when the two girls were around) and we chilled a bit while waiting for Papa to come home.

When Papa came home, we got ourselves ready to go to CikJu's place for Raya. Well, we ate mee rebus, satay, rendang, pergh... macam2 la... kek lapis, oh lupa, the night before, i ate pulut hitam .. that was my first time eating pulut hitam (dulu kat malaysia tak pernah nak mkn or even try), and the pulut taste delicious....hehe.. really, really felt like home. Being CikJu, I will never leave the house empty handed, so I have satays with nasi impit and kuah kacang in my fridge and loads of other stuff as well. Selamat tak payah masak, but I guess I'll just cook some chicken curry and vege dhal for dinner to compliment the satays... and eat them with frozen parratha (roti canai)..Oh, i forgot, the reason i was so sleepy is because we slept late for two days in a row and both days are on working nites.. so, yeah..that's why we are sleepy.. Ye, ye, I know I'm not working and all, but still, I wake up early to do stuffs you know. Kesian kat I...;p

So that was my first Raya Haji abroad. I had a few raya haji where Hafiz was not around (i think last year was the first time he was around to celebrate with me). I didn't miss my family much (although my bro did call) because maybe since my mom's not around...(naik haji) so I guess I don't want to think too much of it. I hope she's doing well there... and I think she's been praying for me because I just got a call yesterday saying that there's a place for my kids in uni child care, which is such great news as they (the uni child care) are always packed and the waiting list is extremely long (i put them on waiting list even before princess was born!! and when i met them in october, they still say that maybe i won't get a place for the kids, i was devastated but i'm glad now it's all over and done with).. So my Hero and princess will be going to the so-called one of the best child care in the state, so I hope it's a good place and they will really take good care of my kids. I'm worried about my baby Princess though, she's still a baby and still so small......cian dia... but i gotta do what i gotta do, (my Phd la, apa lagi!) and I can always come by and see them since my department is just a few blocks away from child care... so it shouldn't be a problem, insyaAllah..............(sedapkan hati)

So Yeay, i'm done blogging.. finished my entry and princess pun tertidur while breastfeeding, so aperlagi? good night people... i'm so sleepy.. i think i'll wake up at 9am (hero usually wakes up at that time).. Sweet dreams everyone! (yawning)

8.32am : Haha.. I tekan je butang publish post and i saw Mr Hero running from the bedroom towards me (macam biasala, scene dia bangun pagi2) and I'm like, alamak, tak dapat la nak tido..uwaaaa)

Take care peeps

My funny little kids

My little angels are funny little kids. They are, like all the other kids in the world, lovable, adorable and interesting to watch. Yes, they can be a pain to take care of...(kadang2 stress sampai pegang2 dahi) but I love them so much and will strive to be the best mother that i can be :)

An interesting thing about my Hero, he just loves veges and fruits. Up until today, hafiz and i can't find a single vege yet that he doesn't like.... Peas? spinach? celery? yeap, love 'em all... i guess maybe it's because i took my masters when i was conceiving him (the first few months) and i was a lecturer teaching those stuff during the late stages, so being a food science student/lecturer, probably that's the reason why he is soooo into veges. My friends here kept saying 'mana lah nak dapat budak suka sayur macamni'.. Syukur Alhamdulillah. At least now, he is starting to eat other things like pasta, rice (chicken rice la tapi, really nice and fluffy-recipe from myresipi.com), pizza, homemade beef burger, etc) so i guess i'm happy that he is eating now...:)

-look at him go... jilat2 jari and bekas makan cabbage sahaja, mi kat sebelah tak berapa minat la.

Oh yeah, I'm also toilet training him (ye lambat, saya tahu, mommy malas before this ok? plus we were busy migrating and all).. so, anyways, Hero just love to read books, so here's some pic of him toilet training and reading:

Yup, he even reads book on the toilet (isk, isk) the only way to stop him from crying - wonder who else does that too (hint..hint)

Aduh, ni pening. tukar baju on the changing mat... pun baca buku

I asked him to sit, and he still reads his book (2-3 books, he puts them beside him)

Yup, he's finally ready, wanna comb his hair.. guess what, still reading.. notice the small hand trying to grab him most of the time while i get him ready???? hehehe, comel, kan tangan kecik tuh!

Meanwhile I realise that my darling princess is going to be 8 months this 24th.. time flies soo, soo fast, right? it felt like it was only yesterday she was brought to this world on the afternoon of 24th.. it was such a lovely day for me as i got a girl!!! i was soo excited i couldn't sleep that night because I can't believe that i got a girl!! (during scan, dr said that it was a boy!) i kept looking at her, how precious she is and was extremely grateful to Allah for giving me the honour to have such a beautiful little baby girl that Allah created...

So, anyway, now princess is all grown up... in just a few months she'll be one and i won't have anymore 'babies' to take care of..sob..sob.... yesterday, i went to coles and this girl was bringing her newborn for a walk, and when he cries, my god, that small, precious cry was just soooo heart-warming that i felt like crying. oooh, i just love babies and newborn babies are just so, so, so precious... so, friends, especially those around Perth, please do me a favour and kindly have babies so that i can play with ;p

Here's some pic of princess pulak (mana achi Hero aje, ye tak?)

Princess rooting for Abang Hero while he plays the Leapfrog Clickstart game


Princess laughing whenever she gets to turn herself everytime we put her on all fours to crawl..

I love mommy's bed more than my cot!
Look at her sleeping on our bed.. nyenyak sampai terkangkang.. hehe...habis jatuh saham ayu dia
This is usually where i put her when i want to cook stuff in the kitchen...so adorable, kan? baik je dia, alhamdulillah

Hehe, love 'em to bits..

Take care all

3 years ago

3 years ago (before the two angels were brought to earth), when I first got married, I had all sorts of vision on what my married life would be like. I guess since i'm already in Perth, I might as well just share with you guys what it was.

I dreamt of having a house in kota damansara (which we sold it off before coming here) and living there. At that time, I love the area, I love the surroundings and I really love the shopping centres which are nearby and oh-so-convenient. At that time, I was conceiving Hero in my belly, I dreamt of having him school in Tadika Diyana. And when he's a little bigger, i might send him to Sri KDU or the private islamic school there. I even know the fees to all of this school (what can I say, I love to plan way beyond).. I think that the school is just gorgeous and he will definitely love it. I don't really like him going to public school (at least for sek ren, secondary school, maybe). I also don't want him to go to MRSM or boarding school (maybe because i might miss him but it's also because they push you too much on your academic skills). I'd rather send him to chinese school though (both my bros are chinese educated) and the syllibus are totally different from us (the Sek keb). I can see theirs are soo very advance but the downside is (at that time) the teachers were quite racists to the malay and indian kids (first hand info from my bro) but lets not dwell into that shall we? so i think listening to the stories of racism, i don't think i want to send my hero there.
Me...? I dreamt of being a lecturer in UiTM Shah Alam (wait, I already was at that time) and working there till the day I die (so, i exxagerated a bit) and Hafiz? He wants to work in Petronas until the day he retires.. the reason kota damansara is chosen is because it is right in the middle of kl and shah alam (fair and square for the both of us). Plus it's near to my Mamujan's place, Hafiz's Aunt, Papa and Mama's Condo and my family house in PJ. Weekends we would go shopping at the curve or OU, maybe Ikano once in a while.. or maybe bring the kids to the park in TTDI (they have such a beautiful park there). I imagine having 3-4 kids though, err, maybe 3 tops! and it will be 2 boys and one little princess. I already have 'A' names waiting for them. I dreamt of having Hafiz n me going home every single day, waking up next to him and make him breakfast, pack his lunch and make him dinner everyday for the rest of my life :) because I love him so very much, and not because he asked me to. Funny in this vision of mine I didn't plan to have a maid. Well, anyway, that's how i envision things 3 years ago. It was never in my mind that I would come here (Perth) and probably live here for as long as Allah allows it.

What I learn: You can plan all you want, but Allah is the one who will have the last say. At that time, I didn't know that Hafiz will live apart from me for 3 years, and I didn't know that UiTM will be sending me to Kuala Pilah to be senior lecturer at their diploma branch, I didn't know that I will only have 2 kids because of some complications (wish I had another one, a boy, i already have a name for him, you see).. and I didn't know that me (anak manja) was strong enough to leave my family esp my mom who has raised me and made me who i am for 27 years, to pursue my dream of FINALLY living together with my darling hubby and doing my PhD at a university abroad. People ask: Have you ever regret making this decision? The answer is a simple NO. Life is just too short to fit in any regrets. You just need to live your life to the fullest, until the big boss upstairs calls your ticket number, then, your time is up and bye2 earth.

So, people, live your life, do what you want to do, do what is best for your family...be somebody, grab those dreams, do what you have always wanted to do... To be happy and successful, you need to get out of your comfort zone and make it happen... write that book you have always wanted to write (I know I did - twice!) and learn to cook, never say it's too hard, i'm not domesticated enough (Ya Allah! that was me!) but it's actually pretty easy once u get the hang of it. Try, try and try. You will succeed...................Take it from me... I know zero about cooking, now i can cook a decent meal everyday... i'm sure everyone in this whole world can do it too!!

I once went out with my uncle Kassim and Hero wanted to ride this merry go round and so i let him. He asked me, would you like to ride it too? The answer in my heart was..Yes, i would love too! i just love merrygorounds since i was small' but the rational, not fun me answered no. He said, are you sure? I said, yes. He said, don't lie. I blankly look him in the face, swallowed my saliva and answered, no, i'm not.really! (getting a bit annoyed). It's for kids plus people might be looking at me if i do that. He said..'You know, I know you actually wanted to, but you care too much about what other people thinks. You are living your life for others..."
And that sentence hit me. Yes, I am living my life for others. Aren't we all?
Wanting to do Masters because everyone you know has a masters degree..
Wanting to be a lecturer because everyone you know is a lecturer..
Wanting to do your PhD because everyone you know is doing their PhD..
Wanting to get married because everyone else is married..
Wanting to have kids (eventhough not ready) because everyone you know has kids
Just stop it, will you? Do what YOU want to do, be what YOU want to be...
If you are unhappy because you didn't do what u wanted, will anyone else care??
Why be jealous or envious of other people's life when they worked hard for it while u just hang around and live your life for others.. and never for yourself?

That was me 3 years ago... wanting to be what people expect me to be, but now, not anymore. I'm doing me PhD because I want to, not because others are doing it. I'm living here because I want to, I don't care what other people say.. It's my life for crying out loud. I don't care about what others think of me, I know who I am and I only care about what Allah thinks of me. Period.

So, people...today's the day.. Live your life the way you want to. I know I did/am/will..

No regrets...

Fatigue

Hi all,
My middle name is officially fatigue. eversince hubby dear started working yesterday, i was the all new stepford wife versi melayu di perth.. i cook breakfast for him (pancakes, eggs, toast, etc), masak bekal for his lunch (kat sini org lunch bwk bekal je.. i made macaroni goreng, burger, yesterday sweet chilli tuna sandwich, etc, memcm la), tengahari masak lain for me and hero (today pizza, yesterday fried pasta - he loves pasta-2-3 kali tambah for a boy who desnt like to eat anything else except veges and fruits), malam tadi buat homemade burger with cheese filling and tonite is chicken rice and choc cake (burnt sket because i was busy changing the two kids plus hero is toilet training (lambat, i know, mommy malas, asyik tangguh je kerja). well, and in between those cooking, i wash clothes, iron, bagi budak2 makan, siapkan diorg, etc, i don't remember ever sitting at all (except masa makan) sebab i'm always on the go.................... yeala, if before hafiz was around and he is a significant help to ease the burden, since yesterday i was the sole homemaker or better known as doemstic goddess (i like this one better). i'm telling u, nak patah2 tulang, bangun at 6am, sleep at 11-12am...working as a lecturer before was a hundred times way easier than being a housewife, i'm telling ya. dengan takde maid, and kena kemas, buat semua sendiri, wow! i need a massage (biasala manja, sebelum ni mana pernah lasak macamni)........i have a newfound respect for all the housewife all over the world (esp yg ada anak kecik like me, how do u guys cope???????).

ok, so ure asking. if ure not sitting down, how come u r blogging? the answer is: hafiz sayangku is already home and my darling (yes, i love him and appreciate him even more..muah..muah) knows how tired i am so he brought hero to the playground in front our house (he does that every day...baik kan??)....

penat..penat....rungut..rungut... hehe... ok times up sheri.. ur little princess is crying.. oh dear. gotta go.... :) i gave her loads of toys for her to play. i guess she loves the biggest, prettiest toy in the house..her mommy ;p

Take care